


The face on the bathroom floor

by GreenPhoenix



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Gen, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 16:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12039987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix/pseuds/GreenPhoenix
Summary: Olivia is not her mother. She is not.





	The face on the bathroom floor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sidewinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/gifts).



It’s never just one drink anymore, it’s always two, or too many, if she’s being honest with herself. Ed doesn’t say anything, but his tired eyes speak volumes. She’s a cop and a mother, and she has people relying on her at all times. She feels the pressure, but it doesn’t get to her.  
Olivia Benson is not an addict. No, not that. She’s self-corrected that issue, because she is a strong woman.  
Who drinks on weekends, and maybe weekdays sometimes.  
Olivia is not an alcoholic. She is not her mother. She cannot be like her.

*  
Olivia Benson is not lying on the bathroom floor, unable to get up because she’s drunk.  
Olivia Benson does not cry, and call for Elliot. He never loved her, and she didn’t need him to. They never had sex, not ever.  
(not even that one desperate time when Kathy had left him)  
Olivia does not get up, and does not vomit on herself. She does not piss herself, and cry.  
She does not. She does not reek of urine and booze. She is calm and poised, and fragrant,  
a leader and an ideal Amanda cannot hope to reach for. She is ice, she is beautiful and perfect. She is not human and fallible. She is Olivia Benson, and she does not fail.

*  
Olivia Benson did not kill Mike Dodds, Jr. No. She was not even responsible for his death due to bad leadership or incompetence. His father did not blame her and call her a bad leader. No, no.  
He said he was sorry for having thought that. Mike’s fiancée did not call her and cry for hours about her lost love. Olivia did not ask her for absolution as if she could grant it.She did not feel like a failure of a human being.

*  
Olivia Benson is not being driven home by Odafin Tutuola after getting drunk at a bar that time.  
He does not ask her to get help for the love of all that’s holy. He does not.  
There is no need. Brian Cassidy did not hold her head while she puked. He did not kiss her long before that, sweetly and passionately. She is with Ed now, and not him. He did not go down on her in her office that one or seven times.  
(she did not come and cry)

*  
Olivia Benson is not an alcoholic. She does not check into a clinic, and call her son while Ed cares for him. Ed does not punch Brian, and leave Noah with him. Brian did not tell him about their affair. Elliot does not call her. Nor do John and Amanda and Sonny.  
They do not. She does not resign from her post. She does not. They do not look sad as she leaves, and wish her the best. Rafael does not cry, nor does Amanda.  
Olivia does not cry, even to herself.

*  
Olivia did self-correct and she had no help. She is a strong woman, and they do not cry.  
Ever.


End file.
